Before I show you these pictures I should explain something first so that you don't think that my roommate Bulldog (remember the fan of the drink Colorado Bulldogs), his girlfriend who will forever be known to me as the Milk Theif, Beauty and I are alcoholics. We're not. However we have over the past year been buying more booze then we've been drinking and it's been piling up. To make matters worse a local liquor store, Happy Harry's, is having there annual penny wine sale. That means that if you buy one bottle of wine you can get the other for a penny. This deal is not only awesome, it is crazy.

Here's our collection before the penny wine sale...



Like I said we've been sort of buying it faster than we've been drinking. Basically Beauty might say one weekend "I'm in the mood for a rum and coke" to which I'll reply "well we don't have any rum, we have vodka." She'll then say "Well, I'll go get some rum then." And over the course of time that has built up.

Now add to this the general craziness that is a penny wine sale...



I suppose now is a good time to tell you that starting on Sunday I'm going to try straight edge again. This means no more meat which is fine since I've pretty much been a vegatarian for over 2 weeks now, Beauty also actually is into this part of it as well. It also means no more caffine and alcohol. I tried this a few months ago but failed when I went to a coffee house with JW. This time I think I'm going to actually succeed.

Why start on Sunday? Because Beauty's friend from home is visitig this weekend. A few of her sororiety friends are going to come over on Saturday night also and from the looks of things it's going to be St Patricks day part 2 at my place this Saturday. *Sigh* At least I'll actually get to see what sororiety girls do when they party at a place other then a fraternity house.

Why do this? Because I want to treat my body right. I quit smoking just before I turned 20 and took up running. Except for the past 2 months due to two broken toes and back in 2005 when I broke my knee I haven't stopped running. Pretty soon my toes will be totally fine and I'll be running again. Despite the pictures I actually rarely drink and though in the past I might have commented when I got drunk that was far from the norm. I have relied too much on caffine to get through days though. No more of that. For the past week I've been into de-caf coffee and really the taste is the same. Some people who who straight edge abstain from regular sex. That's not me. I'm not going to go that far since 1) I think sex is the highest form of showing one's love to another, 2) I love Beauty, 3) We both enjoy sex, a lot! The whole point of this is that I want to live a lifestyle that adheres to the way I see myself. I want my body to be a suitable vessal for my mind. Am I going to keep this up forever? Probably not but at this moment in my life it's something I want to do. When I don't want to anymore then I'll stop but until then wish me luck.

I'm still angry that the republican convention in 2008 is going to be held in my home. The state hasn't even been a red state since Nixon was president. The city of summits is way too good a place for them to hold, as some of my friends say, hatefest 2008.

Anybody care to join me in a year and half with a few thousand others. Despite some concerns...

http://www.startribune.com/587/story/1081419.html

...you'd better believe there will be a few protests over this. Peace out.

I meant to make up this entry yesterday but more friends showed up to JT Cigaros for our show then I expected. Needless to say JW, JS, Beauty and I spent most of yesterday recovering.

Not going to say too much because sometimes I worry that I might be coming across as bragging and since I might be the only one who ever sees this then that makes bragging even more sad.

A few highlights from the first ever Scar Tissue show in Fargo. Ms Kim (JW's fiance) stepped out for our last song and was introduced as our "sometimes bassist." She is now offically our unoffical fourth member, filling in for JS on bass so that he can summon dark magic from his keyboard. Kim's voice can be heard backing me up on the track "Lie Detector" from our demo. You'd know who she is because when you listen to it you'll think "so she's the one who can actually sing." My original idea was actually to have her not just play her bass so that JS could move over to keyboard for that song but also to have her take the lead vocals with me backing her up. Seriously, her voice is stellar. She wasn't going to have any of that though, I don't think she liked the idea of being in the spotlight like that though truth be told in that musty bar there were no spotlights. In the end JS backed me up. The song went ok, though I think it would have beem much more of a treat for her to sing. Ce la vie. Maybe in the future, maybe not.

I'm pumped though, in the future she may accompany us on her bass for other songs which could add a whole new dimension to our live shows. I may be the only one but I'm a sucker for keyboard special effects.

My personal highlight was when we played my song "Katie." Beauty has told me from her first listen that that song is her absolute favorite. She's sweet to lie like that. It makes me feel good.

The real Katie, whom I sometimes refer to as K is an exgirlfriend who I was deeply in love with. I originally wrote the song for her and after our relationship ended I hated this song. It really wasn't until beauty listened to it and told me that she loved it that I started to get over the fact that the title maybe "Katie" but the song is a simple love song for no single person save the one I love. During this song Beauty jumped up on her table and mouthed the chorus back at me. It was the best moment of my night, of my year. Everyone else just melted away into darkness and her and I just connected singing to eachother. I love her. I love you all too, but her just a little more. I hope you don't hold that against me. Take care all. Until we meet again.

Gavin

Just a reminder to anyone who catches this and happens to be in the Fargo area.

Tonight. Saturday, March 24th. 10 pm. Scar Tissue will be playing our first show ever in Fargo at JT Cigaros. Come out and discover new and fun ways to rock. Feel free to hang out with us after the show too. We don't bite.

We all have something that makes us feel insecure. The only questions than are "what is it" and "how do we deal with it?"

At 10 o'clock on Saturday night my band, Scar Tissue, will be playing our first every show in Fargo, ND at the bar JT Cigaros. You'd better believe that right now I am feeling the butterflies. Ever since I can remember I've been insecure about my singing voice. I'm not sure why. I've been playing guitar since the age of 12 when my sister turned me onto Led Zeppelin but singing is a totally different story.

I didn't start seriously consider being the singer for my band until long after we kicked out our original singer, Matt L. Throughout most of highschool JW, JS, Matt L and I were in a heavy metal band that went by the name Facelift. Even as big of a dick as he was, Matt L had the type of pipes that could blow the roof off your house. I'm not kidding. We recorded a demo actually though it never did justice to his voice due to a sore throat when we were recording. Back than I never even dreamt that a fear of how people would react to my voice would ever affect me. I actually tried doing back up vocals with Facelift only to be ridculed mercilessly by Matt L. Remember, a huge jerk! Maybe this has something to do with my current attitude towards my own voice, I don't know.

It wasn't until JW, JS and I were seniors in high school that we kicked Matt L out of the band. We'd finally had enough of his bullshit. We were tired of having to always play the songs he wanted to play. We were tired of having no input on the material that was being written. We were tired of the overt political message that he tried to slip into everything, one we didn't agree with. We matured and we felt like he did not.

College came and for reasons I won't discuss I moved away from home while JW and JS stayed. We still saw eachother all the time and most times we got together we would jam in our old practice space, each of us trying our hand at singing. It was a blast. Screw that. It was a FUCKING BLAST! Playing whatever we felt like, not caring at all about persission, being in key, hell even being in tune sometimes, and ripping solos when there was no solo called for. JW, JS and I are the best of friends. We'll tell eachother when something is great and more importantly, when something is bad I can always count on them to tell me. It didn't dawn on me until just now that they never once said I sucked. Really, that's making me feel awesome right about now.

Where was I? Between these jam sessions I spent my freshman year of college basically skipping class to impress girls with my guitar playing. Unfortunatly in my dorm there was no drummer and the only bassist dropped out after fall semester. I met a girl, as the story always goes, who had been in her schools choir. Sarah was her name. She was really the first person to tell me that she enjoyed my singing. Unfortunately our relationship was the one-month variety but her and I are friends and I talk to her on rare occasion.

I can't really tell you an exact date but somewhere between sophomore year and junior year JW, and JS got it into there heads that we should reform the band. I pushed against this at first, after all living away from home I initially thought would make things difficult. Perhaps this was the beauty of it though. Since it was impossible to practice together every single day maybe we wouldn't fall into the trap of taking ourselves too seriously. Hell, we just wanted to play cover songs anyways. The problem now was finding a singer. While at a house party, JW and JS were talking to Sarah behind my back, like I mentioned her and I are still friends, and I suspect that she had something to do with this. When we first jammed as Scar Tissue officially I sang an old STP song, "Creep" and JW suggested that I take up singing duties. I was like "WHOA dude...Back off. I did not sign on for that." I'm a guitarist afterall. Singers are egotisical assholes, not guitarists. JS sided with JW basically arguing "Hey, neither of us can hold a note and at least you can do that." After an intense argument I relented thinking that we'd probably find a new singer if we ever got really serious. After all, we were only just jamming together, we hadn't even contemplated shows yet.

This was more than 3 years ago. I still haven't gotten over my insecurities concerning my voice, and even developed a new insecurity, writing lyrics, when we decided to try being more than just a cover band.

I have a huge fear of people not liking my music, and not liking me. Even thinking about our show on Saturday makes my stomach turn. What if they hate us? What if they hate our music? What if they hate me? There is a way of getting around this though and it's not imaging everyone in there underwear. My friends are great. They've been intensely supportive of my musical endeavors. I love them all. It's through there support that I'm able to be myself, self-doubt and all. Like everyother show I've played, I know that I'm going to be scared out of my mind for a song or two. After that, even if everyone else is booing, I know that I'll see at least a few people with smiles on there faces and rock fingers in the air. I try to let them know how much that really means to me, how much better it makes me feel. I hope they realize that that's what really allows me to continue do something that I've grown over the years to love, making music.

A Taste of Things to Come.
To anyone who might read this and can make it. Scar Tissue. At JT Cigaros. Saturday, March 24. downtown Fargo at 10pm. In an effort to encourage you to come if your around heres the lyrics to two songs that we'll definitly be playing. Come out and let me know what you think. We'll bring the rock, you just bring an open mind and some fingers to throw into the air like horns.

"Two Moths"
You said lie until you love me
but not how many lies it would take
Are lies made out a habit worse
than lies that you create.

Plot your revenge find a lover
Find a strangers arms

And you'll forget the ghost that I became
You'll forget my name

The me that I became
The me that I've unmade
It's your time to misbehave
Your time to celebrate
Now I'm waking up alone
Longing for that crutch that I threw out
so long ago

I found myself a cure
you made yourself an epicurean

A sympton
A disease
an excuse
a final thread
and it's time to take back
all the trust you never had

Alcohol and labido
Two hungry moths
crashing on the bedroom window

The me that I became
The me that I unmade
It's your time to misbehave
Your time to celebrate
And I'll be waking up alone
Longing for that crutch that I threw out
so long ago

And you'll forget the ghost that I became
And you'll forget the ghost that I became
You'll forget my name

"Second Chances (Slipping Away the Key)"
Take the time
Some don't ever change the way they see
the problem, solution will always be left alone
It's so tragic how there don't seem to be an end
To this disillusioned decadence

Locked inside of me
Slipping away the key
and I'm falling
Now I won't believe that this is what is wrong with me
and I need time alone

And I guess time alone is just what I will need
To find the answer that I've been waiting for
Turn your lover into me
Is this the answer that I've been waiting for

Stay the night
One more chance to make one more mistake
I'll skip the bending, I'll just break
and down I go
What's my preference I don't know and I don't care
Is this synthetic justice so unfair

I can't stand to watch this
hold my pride in my fist
and I'm falling
I won't believe that this is what is wrong with me
and I need time alone

And I guess time alone is just what I will need
To find the answer that I've been waiting for
Turn your lover into me
Is this the answer that I've been waiting for

I'm alright
Not much else to do but sit and wait
Helpless, I think I'll take another breath
as I'm praying for another chance
But it's gone
It's gone

And I guess time alone is just what I will need
To find the answer that I've been waiting for
Turn your lover into me
Is this the answer that I've been waiting for

Our time has come
Our time is up, no more second chance for me
No more second chances