I swear to R'lyeh that there is nothing cooler in this world then Grand old days.

Every summer on Grand Ave in the summit of cities is a one day festival called Grand Old Days. It's a time to celebrate local artists, and party harder than Cthulhu when he woke up. JW, Kim, Beauty and I are going to be heading out there early on Sunday to check out Kim's friends artwork. Combine the social commentary of constructivism and mix it with Andy Warhol. But wait, isn't that all constructivism is you say? Well, I say it doesn't matter. If your in the twin cities next Sunday you should definitly check out Grand Old Days.

Whatelse?

So I've been struggling with this whole blogging thing. JW, JS and I have been practicing a ton and all it's shown us is that we need to practice more. With trying to schedule shows and more shows on top of that for the coming months we need to be as tight as possible. I mean at the very least we don't want to suck. That way if you don't like us you can say "I sure hated that music, but at least they played that crappy music well." So time's been an issue for me for quite a while.

Another thing I've been struggling with is that I don't really know what I want this blog to be. Do I want it to be a list of what I've been up to during the week? Do I want it to be about the world as seen through me? Do I just want to use it to talk about old events in my life? I hate being pigeon holed. I'll make a deal with you. I'll write when I feel inspired to write something and you can read it if you feel inspired to read it. Should neither of us feel inspired then I think the world will keep turning.

Now with that said does anyone have anything out there that is interesting to read? I just finished "The Road" which I noticed as I was buying it that it was Oprah's book club book. That's cool. She picks great books. It's kind of a sad comment on reading in this country though when I can say with total certainty that Oprah is the most important figure alive in american literature. I mean as much as I love her, she doesn't even write anything! But damn if she isn't influential. Having a book on her book club must be like winning the lottery...only you have to work really hard and have the talent to do it. I highly recommend the The Road though. Cormac McCarthy weaves a fantastic tale set in a post-nuclear holocaust world about a young boy and his father simply struggling to survive in a place where hope is extinct. I was once told that the great books are the ones that make you cry at the end. This is a great book.

A few months ago I picked up Clive Barker's books of blood again. I say again because years ago I read a few of them and was totally enthralled. So enthralled that I let a guy in the fraternity I belonged too while in college borrow it only to have him lose it. Since I got it back I've been reading the stories I never got to read before. "Dread" and "The Midnight Meat Train" are absolutely insane. I mean that in the best way possible, but if you really want a mental treat then check out "In the hills, the cities." If you've ever read HP Lovecraft then you will love this story. It's on par with the best of HP. No one has an imagination like clive barker. Seriously, his stories are creative and horriffic. One of the few authors i just have to sit back and marvel at and say "How does he come up with this shit?!!?!?"

Rememember.
Food for the body turns to shit.
Food for the mind is the shit.

Alright ya'll. Gonna try and go for a run this afternoon and try to not think about the fact that the first Scar Tissue show in months is only 2 weeks away. Between Beauty and practice I'm going to be stretched really thin. With that said let me give out a huge THANK YOU to everyone who's sent me comments. There very appreciated, really everyone I've received has brightened my day. Sorry that I haven't responded to them as fast as I'd like.

I'm in a pretty sour mood at the moment and figured that I'd like to try writing something dark. It's been a while since I did that since I haven't really felt the urge to in sometime. Having the most beautiful girlfriend in the world will do that to a guy. That said something unrelated has rather upset me. Just wrote this up and I'm sure you'll be able to tell since it's not that good.

Alone and confused.
Not good enough for you.
Now just a broken chain.
Two hands that push away.

Just a simple kiss.
How could it lead to this?
Soft whispers that turn to screams.
Things are never what they seem.

Sanity is slipping away
Serenity can not find me.
I don't mind though I'm not okay

Cling to me now, open eyes.
Breaking the bonds that we tied.
Cut through the heart, think I'll die.
Look at me now, open eyes.

Your going to have to forgive the caps here but I don't know how else to express how awesome I feel.

I'M FUCKING RUNNING AGAIN! YES!

*Fist pump*

Back in February I broke the two small toes on my right foot. It's hard to understand how much this affected my life because on the one hand it didn't have any effect at all. But on the other hand it destroyed everything.

I've been running for the past 5 years. I smoked from when I was 13 to just before I turned 20 when I first started running as a way to finally help me quit. The funny thing about starting running is that I seem to have replaced one addiction with another. When I first started I never would have thought that I'd still be doing it now. It's hard to find the words to really describe how much I enjoy simply going for a run. It's not a health thing to me though in some sense it is I suppose. I mean I started it so that I could be healthy and not constantly crave nicotene. I won't lie to you either, the added side effect of running i.e. being more healthy is a plus. Really though running is a stress reliever for me. It's also just uber enjoyable. I love the way it makes me feel. Oh yeah sure the whole sweaty thing when I'm dones isn't the greatest but after I shower I feel like a million bucks.

Isn't it weird how true the statement "You don't realize what you have until it's gone" is? When I was 22 I was in a pretty bad car accident that left me with a broken knee. Luckily my knee wasn't as broken as some people I've met. I was only out of commision for about 7 months and I did have surgery but it wasn't that bad. Still those 7 months were 7 months of hell. I won't tell you how close I was to almost smoking again. Nicotene is evil like that. I'm sure it affects different people differently but for me every once in a while I'll get hit with an intense craving for a cigarette. I haven't had a smoke in 5 and a half years! The craving only lasts for just a second but everytime it hits me I think "Damn. Am I ever going to really get over this?" Luckily this doesn't happen that often but when my knee was broke a few years ago it happened a lot more regularly then before.

Breaking my two toes was worse mentally to me than my knee. I know, I'm strange. The thing is though, with a broken knee I knew I couldn't walk around or do anythign without crutches. With broken toes it's a totally different milkshake. You don't need crutchs. You can still walk around everywhere you want to...but don't try to put too much weight on those babies or you'll feel like you want to cut them off. That's the hard part. It's walking around but not being able to run...to do what I want to. Yeah, I still worked out because since I got into running I totally changed my lifestyle..but I didn't really do to many leg exercises so that I could keep pressure off my toes. They still took forever to heal.

Funny how life is sometimes. The past few weeks have been nothing but stress for me. I started running again last weekend and have everyday but Tuesday. Since I started again it seems like my stress has almost completely disappeared. Just a little 5k course I mapped around the neighborhood as I try to get my legs back. Next week I'll bump up the distance a little bit.

Now if only I didn't have to sing tomorrow at Beauty's brothers wedding. Oh well. I've been practicing and will be meeting the churches piano lady to rehearse with her before the ceremony. I still wish I had more time. It's a sweet song though, "True Companion" by Marc Cohn, and as much as it upsets me that Beauty wasn't given a part in the wedding I'm going to try my best. I hope ya'll have a splendid weekend.

Love and respek.

Gavin

Man.

Life has been hectic in one way or another for way too long now. Bear with me, this is going to be one of those complaining posts that no one enjoys reading.

Beauty's 2 older brothers are both getting married this year. One of them will be next Saturday. Apparently the person who was going to sing at his wedding pulled out though he didn't really give me the specifics as to why. I think it's because Beauty's brother and his fiance have lately been bossy, mean, and altogether uncaring about the people who are just trying to help them. Anyways, he just called me up and asked if I'd sing at his wedding. I hate being put on the spot like that. Let me say that again. I HATE BEING PUT ON THE SPOT LIKE THAT. Of course I'm not going to say no to this guy. It's his wedding. I'd like to someday marry his sister so he'd be my brother in law but I absolutely don't want to sing at this wedding with just under a weeks notice. I mean I'm not that good anyways plus the song isn't one i'm very familiar with. It's called "True Companion" by Marc Cohn. I've heard it before but it must have been like 5 or 6 years ago at least. Now I have to find a copy of it and practice it. Hopefully I won't suck to much. God this is going to be awful. I'm going to try because I don't want to be bad but this is definitly not the most ideal situation.

On top of this Beauty isn't going to be in either of the weddings. I can't believe that they couldn't find something for her, she is there only sister. When I get married you'd better believe that my sister is going to be involved in some way. Hell, I ask my sister what her opinion is on the engagement rings I've looked at. I realize that not everyone is as close to there siblings as I am to mine but at the same time I know that it really hurts Beauty to not be asked to have any part whatsoever in the wedding.

Don't get me wrong, I like her brothers. I get along with them and most of the time they seem like pretty nice people. But this hasn't been handled well. It could have been done so much better. Sorry to not be writing that frequently. Once again I'll end this with...

the future is uncertain, and always near.

It's been a while…was a song by Staind. Remember Staind? I remember the first time I saw their name and thinking that whoever put out their album had a really bad editorial department. So it goes. I'm just glad they called that genre Nu-Metal, versus Post-Metal. Calling something Post-Anything is the quickest way to terminate its future. Like where do you go after post-modernism? Post-post modernism? That's silly…Post-post rock…Post-post punk…Post-post Raisin Bran...

No good can come from this posting...

Where was I.

Oh yeah, it's been a while.

Sorry to not have posted in a while to anyone who happens to actually read this. Funny thing is is that if this is your first time reading it then you don't know that I haven't posted in a while. Oh well, apologies the same.

Had a hectic/fun/strange/exciting and uncertain week last week. Beauty and I have been busy with our new place. I'd say getting busy but than a gentleman never tells does he I'll also say that the coat closet reamins the last unexplored territory for our escapades, I'll leave it up to you to decipher what I mean by that.

I meant to post a lot more today but for some reason this Monday has been really strange. Kinda like we all saw the same dog get hit by a car on the way into work and none of us want to talk about how awful it was. Maybe it's that I'm kinda depressed. It's very possible that in December JS, one of my best friends, will be moving to Arizona. JS is also the bassist for my band Scar Tissue and we've pretty much agreed that if one of us isn't in the band than we'll break up the band, but that's not the point. JS isn't my biological brother but I love him like one.

We've been busy scheduling shows for June and we may yet go into a studio to record a couple of new songs but that's up in air, kinda. Still. I can't help but feel worse then sad everytime I think about not being able to see one of the people most close to me on a regular basis.

I hope your all doing great. I hope you all called your mom's on mothers day and told them how much you loved them.

The future is uncertain and always near.

Gavin