Since your here talking 'bout us
could we talk 'bout something else?
I was begging for your eyes
I was begging for your heart
hell I was begging for something
to keep from tearing us apart

Did I even say something
Did I even make a sound
Or was I watching you watch me
as you made your own way out
Everyone wants to move when everyones around.
Their shaking hands and shaking heads
but your still, your staring me down.

Well maybe I was crazy
to be thinking as I do.
but I wanted to start something
between me and you.
I could toe the line and waste my time
or I can go with the flow
I don't need to be a fool for everyone I know.

Did I even say something
Did I even make a sound
Or was I watching you watch me
as you made your own way out
Everyone wants to move when everyones around.
Their shaking hands and shaking heads
but your still, your staring me down.

The other day she told me
"Don't jump into love when your not ready."
What could I say other than "I love you"
My one and only.

I know you...you are my everything
I know you...you are my everything dear
and I'll be right here when your ready
I know you...you are my everything.

Sometimes it's just like the rain
when my loves just a smile away
The stars shine for you
and I promise they'll never fade.

I know you...you are my everything
I know you...you are my everything dear
and I'll be right here when your ready
I know you...you are my everything.

You liked to take my picture in all sorts of poses.
Do you remember making love in the roses?
How can I get over you
I'd give my life for yours.

I know you...you are my everything
I know you...you are my everything dear
and I'll be right here when your ready
I know you...you are my everything dear.

I was talking with one of my close friends yesterday. She'd recently misplaced a jewelry-type artifact that is very dear to her. On it reads "Follow your heart." A lovely phrase. Full of meaning to many, many people. She was upset, and probably still is. I however, told her "Maybe fate is telling you to start thinking with your other organs." I said this to be funny, but it got me thinking about the directions our organs lead us, which ones we are told to follow, and which ones we really should follow. In light of this, I kind of formulated my own little ORGAN HEIRARCHY that I think makes a lot of sense. By no means is it perfect or advice for anyone else. In my experience, however, these attributes have been proven to be pretty consistent. So here they are, ranked in order of most reliable to least, in incomplete and utter draft-form.

FOLLOW YOUR GUT: This is the big mother. Not as pretty as the heart, nor as trusted as the head, but by far the most reliable and honest. Yeah it gets a bad rap because of it's ugly sound and beer-belly connotations, but think about all the bad decisions you've made or were about to make; that feeling in the pit of your stomach. That dropping elevator feeling. That's not doubt. Doubt is in your head. Your gut can lead to doubt. But the pure and honest read of the world comes from your gut. Same way you get that feeling when you're really excited about someone or something – well beyond the honeymoon stage. You can feel it in the pit of your stomach. Your gut has a distinct voice, and generally tells us what we don't want to hear. So, more often than not, we don't listen to it. We follow the romantic-optimism of the heart. We follow the logical rationales set out by our head. We dive into our ids through our cocks. All the while, the gut silently stands, holding the map, the compass, the ledger of all the smart and foolish shit we've done over the years, and remembers. The less we listen to it, the less we recognize it. It's beyond common sense. We are still, despite our fancy clothes and erect-pinky ettiquite, animals. Our gut is our semblance of instinct, wrapped up in subconscious wisdom. Trust your gut.

FOLLOW YOUR HEAD: A nuclear sibling of the gut, though slightly more deceptive. The head is the most powerful of the Organ Heirarchy, and is prone toward tyranny if provided the opportunity. It can override any direction or impulse from any other organ. It uses logic, rational, lies, memory, justification, academia, philosophy, and faith to twist or allow our perceptions to take any shape. The head has the power to counteract or compliment the animal impulses of the cock, and the emotional leanings of the heart, and can simply talk the gut out of significance. It's the smart organ. It's the one that knows exactly what you want to hear. It can team up with any of the other organs, putting a nice clean, intellectual sheen on even the most animal leanings. Justification is it's dagger with the bejeweled hilt. So pretty to look at that you don't even know you've been stabbed in the guts, or the heart, or just castrated yourself. In all fairness, it can keep us out of trouble just as good as the gut. This is where "common sense" lies. Guts and the brain work together to create a tangible form of gut-instinct that we can access as rational thought. Only unlike the gut, which have no motivation other than what is best for us, the head can be influenced by the other organs or have it's own intentions in our dealings. Ask any addict about the role of the head in addiction and they'll confirm this. Your head is aware, unless overridden by the heart (in limited but very powerful situations) – and even then it, like the gut, is looking on and keeping track. In the end, your head knows the truth, but it also knows what you want to hear – usually presenting both to you on the same grounds of legitimacy. Your head can be your greatest ally, and in keeping with that, your worst enemy.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART: Probably the least reliable of the organs. The heart is romantic, illogical, idealistic, and extremely powerful when given the opportunity. It holds reign over an entire domain we call "Matters of the Heart," which it seems all of our other organs seem to differ to the heart in almost all situations (with the exception of the cock). However, turning yourself completely over to the heart, even in these situations, is like taking a ride home with a drunk driver. Chances are, the driver will get you home safely – might knock over a few mailboxes over along the way – but knows the route and will get you home with minimal bumps and bruises. The heart rarely listens to the head, though is more in contact with the gut when it is left to its wares; meaning poorly thought out, albeit good-intentioned, flights into emotion. It has it's own set of values and morals. It generally wants to do what causes the least amount of pain for everyone involved – UNLESS, the heart has been broken, in which case bitterness takes on the same tasks with a vengeful spirit. By and large, the heart is not intentionally deceptive, rather, naive. It rarely learns lessons, leaving it up to the brain, who, as we know, the heart rarely takes seriously, let alone listens to. Sometimes the heart needs a collective bitch-slap from the rest of the organs in which case, the heart will snap out of it's daydream and take things seriously long enough to pull out of the situation, though it will spend years mourning it. On the plus, the heart gives us hope, let's us have fun, and truly enjoy another human being, activity, or instance. It is light, airy and unencumbered by the seemingly boundless mechanics of the mind. When it is low, we can cry, feel pain, and grieve. Love, clearly comes from this place. But smit, crush, and lust (in conjunction with the cock) come from this place too, and can often disguise themselves as love. Not reliable, but easy to follow not because it knows what's best, but because it wants what's best.

FOLLOW YOUR COCK (CLIT): The most honest of the organs. It basically says "I'm here to fuck" and that's it. Cards are out on the table. It has no sense of morality or love or conscious whatsoever. It is also the least rational and most animal. Alone, this is a dangerous organ. Basically this is your id. The epicurean center that drives you to indulge in the senses without any regard to long term effects or consequences. This one works best in conjunction with other organs. With the brain and heart it can lead to romance; with the heart, sensual passion and sex; and can be right there with your guts when the time to be an animal is nigh. But alone, it basically turns you into a meth-head without the meth. I hope to all things holy that no one reading this ever follows the adage "follow your cock." This is how horrible human actions can take place. Though it is honest, it is not to be trusted without enlisting the help of the other organs.

Hope y'all are having a lovely Tuesday. Follow your hearts, but trust your guts.

Pax,

Gavin

So I spent the past few days in Richmond, Virginia helping my sister and brother in law move into their new place. It was great being able to see them, espicially my nephew Noah. He's 4 years old now and it's such a sad state of affairs that the little guy has enough energy to completely wear me out and make me want to nap. I mean on some days I run a 7 mile course around my neighborhood (Have a few different courses, 7 miles being the longest) yet this little 3 and a half foot tall munchkin has some kind of ability (I suspect magical) to drain me of all my energy, leaving just enough for me to smile.

I've rediscovered a deep seeded fear of flying. I haven't flown since high school, and now I remember why. You know the funny thing is is that I think I do a fairly good job of maintaining a calm outward appearance but inside all I'm thinking about is survival strategy in the event of a crash. Like, "who can I run over if I have too?" "Could my seat cousin act as some kind of a padding to protect me from the impact of the ground?" and what not. On the return flight back I actually had a conversation with the woman next to me for the entire flight and for the life of me I can't remember a word we talked about because while I was paying attention to what she was saying I was also thinking "Please plane don't fall out of the sky."

Scar Tissue has a show coming up in St Paul (The city of summits, the summint of cities).

Place: Billy's on Grand.

Time: Saturday, the 8th of September. There's 3 bands, we play last. Show starts at 10.

Come on out. Bring a friend. Make a friend.

Gav.

What up friends? Sorry I've been away for a while. Sometimes life happens. As it is it's about 11 pm and I'm in my sisters house in Richmond, Virginia helping her and my brother in law move into their new place. I'm hear until Sunday night and I'm just happy to see her and my 4 year old nephew.

So what to right about? I'm feeling like a rant tonight. My good friends have heard me talk about this before but I need to get this off my chest.

My fiance and I have had plenty of discussions about beauty and more specifically about make-up. I've always had a dislike towards make-up (maybe hatred of it, but let me continue...) I don't like the idea of foundation. Its this mask that so many girls and women feel like they need or they will be hideous. It seems like every woman I've ever dated felt some kind of "Need" to wear makeup. My Sweet for instance doesn't wear a lot, but there's been countless occasions when I've driven her to her class so that she could put her make-up on. I've learned to stop teasing her about this because she seems to think that I get mad because it takes her so long to put it on...I never get mad at her, I just can't believe that she feels like she "Needs" to put make-up on before being seein in public.

I'm sure a lot of woman feel the same way about make up, the "Need" to put it on for some reason. At least all the one's I've dated have. Is it wrong to think this is tragic, really, that so many women and girls are afraid to be seen without make-up. I might be out of me element but I'm subject to the media-blitz barrage of 3 bazillion ads a day telling us that we're not good enough as we are. And believe me, Im a sucker for a little eye make-up. Dont get me wrong. There is a time and a place for everything. But its the "Need" that is the problem. No woman NEEDS make-up. Because, in the end, the make-up has to come off at some point, and THAT is where the real woman is.

I've always thought that waking up next to someone is one of the most honest times of day/life. Thats pure. Thats honest. We aren't awake enough to care about how we look or how our breath smells or if we have eye-boogers. Because that time comes.

Maybe it's easier for me from where I'm coming from. I have standards of presentation for myself, but there's a time and a place for everything and 90% of the time it depends on how I'm feeling, like if I feel like stylying my hair or not. Hair is a strange topic maybe but probably pretty similar. Hair, espicially for us boy's comes and goes and if I were to shave my head and someone found me attractive than I'd kow that they'd find me attractive bald or not, and I'd probably find that knowledge comforting. Still, I don't shave my head because I like my hair...and perhaps woman just wear make up because they like too and they don't feel some kind of "Need" to wear it, which I'm totally fine with. There are times when Im self concious (it happens about a lot of things, and I also can get self concious about how I look from time to time...I guess maybe we all fall into this feeling), but theres never a moment when I worry about how I will look if I run into some girl I used to have a crush on in 4th grade. You're going to find out what is beneath the mask eventually. In some cases, what is beneath the clothes.

I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way. The only one who finds a woman sexier after the make-up comes off. Actually, to have a woman take off her make-up for me, might even be more intimate than a woman taking off her clothes for me. Though when in this situation with Erin I'd respond "Why can't we do both?"

In the end, I guess what it comes back to is idealism. Id like to think that people will someday figure out that being yourself is all that you need to be to be beautiful. That someone who only finds you attractive when youre done up (regardless of whether youre a man or a woman) is not a person worth keeping around.

Which leads to the concept of body image, which maybe I should touch on. yes, I work out and I watch what I eat. I wear a size medium shirt and 32" waist pants which I guess is maybe the norm for a guy my height (about 5'10). I like being athletic, I don't work out to look like a super stud though, I enjoy feeling and being healthy. I run because it's fun and it's something that helped me to quit smoking, and I'm at a point now where I can't imagine life without being able to run, breaking my knee was awful in that regard as well as others. I lift weights to be healthy and if my princess likes the way I look as a result than that's all I need. I want to have a body worthy of being the vessle of my mind. Of my spirit.