We had a show last Friday night at O'Garas Garage in the city of Summits, St Paul. We had a show at the Turf club the Friday before that aswell. Sorry I didn't post about it but lifes been keeping me busy and away. Mostly practice, nothing fun...though jamming with the guys is actually pretty fun.

We've got another show coming up in 2 weeks. Saturday the 30th at the 400 Bar. It's going to be a rocking good time. If ya can make it you should come out. It looks like Scar Tissue will be disbanding in December so there's only a few months left. The past two shows have been so surreal to me because of that knowledge. JS is going to be heading south with his girl in December. That's cool. She makes him happy. That's cooler. I'm not upset that we're going to be breaking up I mean we always agreed that when/if one of us drops out that we'd end Scar Tissue. Maybe JW and I will form another band. Maybe we won't. Who knows. We're still working hard on lining up as many shows as we can until the time comes when we can't do that anymore. Still I wonder if there's a difference between could have been and never was?

I lost some sleep.
I lost my keys.
I lost my sweater
and the will to eat.
I lost my time.
I lost my shoes.
I lost my photos.
Then I lost my mind.
I lost emotion.
A simple feeling.
I lost my way when
I lost an ocean.

But I found you where you've always been.
And where you will always be.
I was never without you my sweet.
All I do is your doing.
And here is something nobody knows.
Not a friend nor relative.
Not the sky, trees or the even the stars
May we never be apart
For
I fear
no fate.
I want
nothing else.
I need
your love.
For you have
my heart.
Always.

I've got some insanely difficult decisions to make in the near future. Recently, I've said goodbye to someone I love very much. Soon I'll be taking a gigantic leap into the bright void that is "now"; I've embarked. I am in independent motion. I am walking towards an alive that I know is somewhere buried under the things that I fear and subtly hate about myself. I don't think I have a substantial amount of these things over any one else, but I've decided these things have irked me long enough, no matter how latent. They've kept me from living well. I figure life exponentially increases upon itself — that we have an unlimited potential to be alive. To love. To create. To do all that shit we laugh at hippies for being all about.

"Peace and love, dawg, that's how I roll."

I went to Grand Old Day yesterday with JW, Kim, and Beauty. I used to hate grand old day. It was kind of like a class reunion with a 3 drink minmum. Generally, I carry a sense of "if I gave a shit about how you've been since 7th grade, I would have made an effort to keep in touch." But keeping in touch is something I've never been very good at. Most of my endlessly patient friends will attest to that.

Funny thing is, I didn't make it to the Grand Old Day festival the past 2 years and I actually found myself missing it. I missed the hanging out with friends. The endless conversations that seemed so desperately important at the time but were really about nothing. The celebration of local music and art in a way that can only be recognized by growing up around it.

This year, I made a decision: to simply watch and enjoy. I just watched the people without judgment; people who 4 years ago I might have normally scoffed at and belittle (generally, your average St. Thomas Student, flagrant rednecks, hipsters, and drunk assholes, etc,.) in my own little condescending way. I'm not above it. I don't think many people are. Cause it's the fear that grips us and tells us we're not good enough and it makes us feel good to pass that shit onto people we don't even know. See Marilyn Manson's segment in "Bowling for Columbine"

I ran into two people that I never thought I'd see again. And man, I can't tell you how brilliant it was. They had this great energy. I gave them hugs. HUGS. Dude, I don't hug usually hug people that I didn't get along with that well in the past. We caught up a bit, but I just couldn't get over this overwhelmingly positive circuit that existed in the 10 minutes we were catching up. Things were happening in their lives, and I was genuinely excited for them. They have distances to travel, and I very well may not see them again for years, if ever. But that 10 minutes hit me hard. I absorbed some of that positivity. And honestly, there are a handful of times in my life where I've felt like something made a loud clicking sound somewhere in the universe, and a rattle that I had never noticed before turned into a smooth hum.

It's a wonderful thing looking back at yourself and seeing how you've changed. How you've matured. How you've evolved. I figure if I held onto my "fuck-you" attitude of the past going into Grand Old Day, I never would have encountered these two and had this wonderful experience

That moment got me to thinking about the things that I've lost track of. Creations and accomplishments that I've been proud of. People whom I care for and love. Things about myself that I ignore and neglect. Things that need to be addressed and fostered. I figure on the journey inward, we can have that "fuck you attitude" or we can just take it as it is; let the bad things pass you by, maybe even bump into them, but be open to the wonderful things that we've maybe pushed aside or forgotten about.

I guess what's inspired this, in the most general sense, is an intense impulse/desire to live honestly, with a non-partisan open mind.. Living honestly and with a compassionate understanding of relativity. I've come to believe that at least 99% of everything is relative. I still think there's some universals out there but don't ask me what they are. It'd require someone much smarter than me to find out. If I had to guess though I'd say there's a universal human need to feel "loved." Luckily there's all kinds of forms of love. Friends, parents, siblings, neighbors, lovers, ex's, etc... I love you all.

Some people are republicans and really think that poor people are stealing from them. Some people engage in a post-ready ready-getting routine preceding each time they leave their house (we call these people "high-maintenance"). Some people worship the goddess and some people worship their wallets. Some people will cut me off in traffic. Some people will cut others down. Some people will gun others down. I will cut people off in traffic. Some people will talk all kinds of shit. Some people will talk very loudly about very specific, incidental things. Some people will quietly destroy your universe and rebuild it. Some will just walk away. Some people need to get pissed on to feel a human connection (take that any way you'd like). Some people will be taking the piss.

and at the moment I think this is how it is.

Take care of yourselves.

The coffee's hot but it's not warming anything
The lines are open but we can't hear the phones ring
But something's wasting,
The record's turning but it hasn't got a song to sing
But something's wasting, someone
Someone's wasting something

I thought I knew you
Knew the part of you
That you controlled
I brought it to you
I secretly succumbed to you
And then did what I was told

Someone called the meeting
Someone closed the door
Someone threw the gavel
Someone hit the floor
Some-one was one to many
Some-one was one to upset the score
Some-one uninvited
Some-one was one plus what we had
Now what we had is something more

Echo on the wave of
This earth-shaking feedback of love
Hands over ears
Covered in blood
Shall we turn it to eleven?
or shall we just turn it off?

Fucking to the sound of the real love.
Standing on the side of the real love.

I swear to R'lyeh that there is nothing cooler in this world then Grand old days.

Every summer on Grand Ave in the summit of cities is a one day festival called Grand Old Days. It's a time to celebrate local artists, and party harder than Cthulhu when he woke up. JW, Kim, Beauty and I are going to be heading out there early on Sunday to check out Kim's friends artwork. Combine the social commentary of constructivism and mix it with Andy Warhol. But wait, isn't that all constructivism is you say? Well, I say it doesn't matter. If your in the twin cities next Sunday you should definitly check out Grand Old Days.

Whatelse?

So I've been struggling with this whole blogging thing. JW, JS and I have been practicing a ton and all it's shown us is that we need to practice more. With trying to schedule shows and more shows on top of that for the coming months we need to be as tight as possible. I mean at the very least we don't want to suck. That way if you don't like us you can say "I sure hated that music, but at least they played that crappy music well." So time's been an issue for me for quite a while.

Another thing I've been struggling with is that I don't really know what I want this blog to be. Do I want it to be a list of what I've been up to during the week? Do I want it to be about the world as seen through me? Do I just want to use it to talk about old events in my life? I hate being pigeon holed. I'll make a deal with you. I'll write when I feel inspired to write something and you can read it if you feel inspired to read it. Should neither of us feel inspired then I think the world will keep turning.

Now with that said does anyone have anything out there that is interesting to read? I just finished "The Road" which I noticed as I was buying it that it was Oprah's book club book. That's cool. She picks great books. It's kind of a sad comment on reading in this country though when I can say with total certainty that Oprah is the most important figure alive in american literature. I mean as much as I love her, she doesn't even write anything! But damn if she isn't influential. Having a book on her book club must be like winning the lottery...only you have to work really hard and have the talent to do it. I highly recommend the The Road though. Cormac McCarthy weaves a fantastic tale set in a post-nuclear holocaust world about a young boy and his father simply struggling to survive in a place where hope is extinct. I was once told that the great books are the ones that make you cry at the end. This is a great book.

A few months ago I picked up Clive Barker's books of blood again. I say again because years ago I read a few of them and was totally enthralled. So enthralled that I let a guy in the fraternity I belonged too while in college borrow it only to have him lose it. Since I got it back I've been reading the stories I never got to read before. "Dread" and "The Midnight Meat Train" are absolutely insane. I mean that in the best way possible, but if you really want a mental treat then check out "In the hills, the cities." If you've ever read HP Lovecraft then you will love this story. It's on par with the best of HP. No one has an imagination like clive barker. Seriously, his stories are creative and horriffic. One of the few authors i just have to sit back and marvel at and say "How does he come up with this shit?!!?!?"

Rememember.
Food for the body turns to shit.
Food for the mind is the shit.

Alright ya'll. Gonna try and go for a run this afternoon and try to not think about the fact that the first Scar Tissue show in months is only 2 weeks away. Between Beauty and practice I'm going to be stretched really thin. With that said let me give out a huge THANK YOU to everyone who's sent me comments. There very appreciated, really everyone I've received has brightened my day. Sorry that I haven't responded to them as fast as I'd like.